JABoyce: January 2009

Every winner has scars (365/305), originally uploaded by JenniPenni.

Every winner has scars (365/305)

This is probably one of my most personal photos yet. The scar is real, however it is healed to skin color by now which means the stitches are photoshopped. This is what it looked like a few years ago, and I cried every time I saw it.

I had an accident at the age of twelve. I was on the top of our new ladders because I liked what kids like to do, to climb on things. Somehow I got an electric shock, a proper one. I saw the electricity going through all over my body and was screaming at the top of my lungs, but couldn't hear my own voice. I thought I would be trapped to that state forever, shaking uncontrollably and trying my best to pull myself off from the ladders that the electricity had me stuck in. I don't know how long that moment lasted in real life, but for me it felt like forever and I can still remember it like yesterday.

I woke up when my mom found me and tried to lift me from the ground. I had fell from the ladders, I was puking blood and knew my body wasn't right when she took me inside and called the ambulance. I spent a couple of weeks at the hospital. My back was in pieces, and at one point it was even questioned if I would ever walk again. It took a couple of years before I was alright, and during that time there wasn't a day when I didn't think that in a way one part of my life was over. That thought seems very absurd right now, but I was young and it was a lot to handle for someone that age. I had to wear one of those corsets/braces that scoliocis patiens have to wear for half a year and that felt really difficult and embarrassing since it was quite visible for other people as well, but I did my best to hide it with baggy clothes. I didn't want to talk about any of this with anyone and I didn't want anyone to know about it. I wasn't allowed to get out of bed without the brace corset, and when I finally got it off it felt strange for a long time to walk without it, I was worried I was gonna just....break...at any minute.

I had some pieces installed inside my back to keep it together and after a few years they were to be taken out. Which meant another surgery, but I was happy to get rid of them, because I felt like a robot with them. Big pieces of metal stucking from the inside surface of your back, I hated them and was happy to go to another surgery even if it meant the nasty thought of re-opening the scar.

But here I am, and I don't mind my scar anymore. It's quite big, and not that pretty, but I'm glad to say I don't mind it. After all these years I'm kind of happy about this too. I have known ever since how fleeting everything can be and try not to take anything for granted. Well, that's what they always say, huh? Of course I do still take lots of things for granted, but I also realize to appreciate things.

Sometimes I still get that feeling I had back then during those couple of years...about friends. If you have friends, nothing can break you. I don't know what I would have done without my friends.

Yup, that's it for now :-)

Uploaded by JenniPenni on 25 Jan 09, 3.00PM EST.